When I was in college at the University of Massachusetts, I didn't know what I was going to do after graduation, much less what my plans for staying home or going to work would be after I married and had children. I came across yet another article today about the intentions of Yale University undergrads.

This topic came to a head last year when the New York Times published their study of women at Yale who reported they had big dreams that included eventually staying home with their children, or at least taking time off while the babes were young.

After I had my second child, I spent my maternity leave at home sick and tired. Most of the 16-week leave was spent fighting recurrent breast infections and struggling with the needs of my two-year-old who, for the first time since he was 16 weeks old, was no longer in day care. He wanted to play with other children, paint and create big messes, not sit around while mommy fed the new baby.

I toyed then with the idea of leaving my job. I was so tired I couldn't imagine being able to keep up the daily 2-hour commute. Even with my plan to have someone come in to the house to provide day care when I returned to the office, my work/family life was quickly becoming more complicated. My husband's office was moved from the town next door to one 45 minutes away. Now we both had commutes and the cost of two children in day care was enough to make my head go spinning off my shoulders.

But even then, with the planets of my solar system completely out of alignment, I didn't feel I was in the right state of mind to make a major life decision. So how is it that young women in college can be expected to know what they will do when their time comes? It's easy when you are in college, when your biggest struggle is getting that paper turned in or cramming for exams, to wax philosophical about life choices.

Truth is most moms don't have a clear cut path in life. A fulfilling career, children, and marriage are all wonderful joys. But, unfortunately, some marriages end in divorce, layoffs happen, and healthy children get sick. No one can predict what life will hand you.

Instead of focusing on what young women INTEND to do, can't we talk about what grown women today ARE doing? In a country with no paid parental leave, where moms in the work force earn significantly less than non-moms, where preschool in most states is for only those who can afford it, where healthcare for children is not required or provided, it seems to me we've got more important things to discuss than what Susie at Yale plans to do when she gets married.