A listener asks:

Kathy,

My 3 year old daughter has been potty trained for about 6 months. She does really well, and stays dry almost all of the time now. Accidents are very far and few between. However, she still wears a pull-up at naptime and bedtime because she can't seem to stay dry even though we take her to the potty right before going to sleep. Nap time has become a battle these days, and her newest thing has been to remove the pull-up after going potty in it and handing it to me from her bedroom door. I have told her numerous times that all she has to do is tell me she has to go potty and I will come and get her out of her room and take her (there is a gate outside her door). Instead, she waits until she has gone and then tells me. What is worse is that she will also poop and remove the pull-up. Being the neat freak that I am, it takes all I have not to absolutely wig out on her when I come into her room and see poop on the carpet!

At bedtime she doesn't tell me when she takes the pull-up off. My husband and I are just shaken out of our sleep at 3am because she woke herself up by peeing the bed and had nothing on the bottom half of her body. Changing her sheets in the middle of the night is so much fun.

I have tried offering rewards if she wakes up and the pull-up is still on, I have tried keeping her panties under the pull-up (thought maybe she didn't like the way it felt) and of course the best Mommy tactic ever, yelling. I am losing my mind and my cool as each day goes by and I don't know what else to do!! Not to mention I am wasting so much money going through 2 and 3 pull-ups at each nap. I have read that it is bad to revert back to diapers after a child is in pull-ups or potty trained, for self esteem reasons. I feel stuck!

Any suggestions you have would be so helpful! Your advice always makes so much sense.

Michelle

Kathy responds:

I feel your pain, Michelle! Between the getting up in the middle of night, doing extra laundry, and cleaning up poop, you've got it bad! I do have some suggestions (it may not seem like it will make life easier, but it will get you back to a semi-normal life!)

1. Give up the nap. I have a couple kids in my day care here who are the same age and transitioning out of naps. Your daughter may be doing all this bathroom fun stuff since she is over the nap. I understand that some days they need sleep and some they don't. Kids this age can't just stop napping cold turkey. You both still need a consistent quiet time after lunch. At my house, we've worked out a good way for me to get some down time as well as them. We have transitioned out of their old sleeping spaces and they are allowed to set up mats and pillows in the living room or set up on the sofa. I let them each pick out a book that we read. We rent movies from the library and save them for this "rest time". Half of the time, someone does fall asleep but it's become a nice quiet time for all of us. One of my three year olds fell asleep sitting up on the sofa the other day—it was too cute! I do have to warn you that without sleep, the dinner hour could turn hellish. Just be prepared for quick dinners and early bedtimes. It works well that it's winter and so dark out anyway!

2. In all honesty, I'm not a big fan of Pull-ups. Manic Mommies may have heard this when I talked about potty training on the podcast. I just think it sends a mixed message. Your child may wonder if she's toilet trained or not. "Hmmm, sometimes I can pee and poop in my pants and sometimes I can't?" I would advise to go to underwear all the time. Tell her she's ready—and that you can just tell these things. Always act like you know what you're doing. Act confident—say you remember you did it this way at her age (whether it's true or not!)

3. Fix her bed with some waterproof covers that you can just peel off and then she's good to go if there's an accident. You can cover just the half of the bed where she would wet. Use as little bedding as you can. Boys seem to take longer sleeping through the night without accidents. I know my sons took till they were in kindergarten at least but my daughter was fine by three years old to sleep through the night and stay dry. I still made it without Pull-ups and you can too! Hope this helps and send us an update on how things are going--thanks for writing.

Good luck Michelle!

Kathy