In a few minutes I should be in the car, driving to daycare with the windows open, enjoying the beautiful spring weather. In 30+ minutes I should be sitting on the sidelines of my son’s t-ball game, comfortable in the chair I actually remembered to throw into the back of my car, with Sophie at my side in the chair I remembered to bring for her also.

I should not be where I am, which is in my bed, watching a backlog of shows on my TiVo and nursing my injured… butt.

As many a mom knows, but few talk about, there is one very unfortunate side effect of childbirth. Hemorrhoids. Looking around the world, I wonder how many women have hemorrhoids as a result of pregnancy and childbirth. For many moms, their hemorrhoids may not flare up again for many years – if at all.

For me, my ‘roids flare up a couple of times a year, usually when I’m stressed.

Nice, huh? Some people smoke, others gain weight, and still others drink or take drugs when they are stressed out. Me? I’m forced to lie in bed with a pack of ice on my tush waiting for the swelling to go down.

It’s so humiliating. How do you tell your co-workers and your boss (aka dad) that you have to leave early because you can’t stand to sit any more? That you are so distracted by the pain in your ass – literal, not figurative – that you need to go lie down at home? That you would like to work from home, but don’t know how effective you will be lying in bed with your butt elevated.

And horrifying. No one wants to talk about his or her butt. No one should have to talk about his or her butt. In fact, I prefer not to think of most people as even having butts. Except for my kids – they have very cute, hemorrhoid-free tushies.

So H is for humiliating. Horrifying. Preparation H (my new best friend). Hemorrhoids (a word I can't seem to spell correctly without my spell checker). And House – the television show I’m currently watching.

I wonder what he would do to treat a case like mine.

Last year was the first year I formally celebrated Brendan's birthday beyond the family. And it was a combined party for both he and his brother in the backyard with make-your-own ice cream sundaes and a rented bounce house that kept all the kids happy and contained (miraculously no one vomited).

This year I decided I didn't feel like hosting a party at home again. I was finally going to make the move and take the party outside the neighborhood. As Tommy gets bigger (as do his friends) , the idea of a bounce house in my backyard is less appealing and seems more dangerous. Especially with 3 and 4-year-olds in the mix.

My husband and I also decided, times being what they are, it's probably less expensive to have the party elsewhere because inviting neighborhood kids also means buying alcohol and food for their adult parents who we enjoy spending time with. And then there's the time spent shopping, setting up and cleaning up...I was convinced.

Until I started making some calls. Apparently good moms actually book these party places like 6 months in advance! Who knew? Reminds me of the time my friend Jessica told me she rented the dancefloor at a local club for her daughter's birthday with visions of a hip disco party. Only to get there and find the place pitch dark with very little light. This was not her original plan, but like me, she waited too long and all the "good places" were already booked.

Remember, until now I have been a "have it home in the backyard" kind of birthday party mom. First I called PumpItUp, the place my boys really, really wanted to have their party. The only times they have open on a weekend from now until who knows when is 8:30am and (no lie) 7pm. Scratch that one from the list.

Then I called the Lego store at the mall. Tommy wanted to have his party there last year but you had to be six. This year, he qualifies (I don't know about all of his friends but I highly doubt they'll be asked to produce ID). The woman was very apologetic and said they are fully booked through June. Seems a lot of kids who have birthdays in the summer have their parties before school gets out. "June is a terribly busy month," she explained. Again, who knew?

I consulted the party pages in a local parenting publication and saw that I could have a pirate come to the house, or a mad scientist, even a bubble guy. But these options run around $250-$300 and that still requires me to host everyone at my house! How exactly is that a win?

Sigh. Seems I've got to go back to the drawing board. Better go check out Peppers and Pollywogs for some inspiration because I'm a little bummed that I left this for so long. Tommy's birthday is four weeks away!

Looks like it will be the backyard again this year.

Getting in a swimsuit, however...not so much.

I just posted to the Real Simple blog some great sites for online swimsuit shopping (and returning). I honestly feel shopping with my laptop is much more civilized than trekking into the mall with its too many mirrors and unflattering lighting run amok.

The one pieces out this year are so fashionable! Here are two of my favorites from Nordstrom although I have no delusions they would look good on me, or most moms that I know. Many of the Nordstrom suits look more like fashions than swimsuits. But I guess that's the point.

If you want function over fashion, try Lands' End. They even have live online chat!

Congrats to listener Adena who will receive copies of Jane Porter's Odd Mom Out and Mrs. Perfect.

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Now you know.

Anyway, I say kudos to the moms out there who are doing what they love, and making a living! If you missed the Today Show segment (many of the interviews were conducted at Blog Her Business—I think I saw myself on stage for about one second) it's below. Heather Armstrong did a great job. And Kathie Lee, I have to laugh. I guess little Cody was the one who pulled the plug on her career all those years years ago.

In staying true to the Manic Mommies mission of keeping it real, we're going to produce the "Stuff We Hate" show you've asked for. And we need your help.

Call it in: 508-644-8434 (the shorter the message the more likely it will make it to air)

Leave a comment here on our blog (you may need to register if you haven't commented here before).

Or record a video and upload it to YouTube (just be sure to tag it Manic Mommies so we can find it)!

We'll pull the best of the worst together for next week's show. Just in time for Mother's Day.

So tell us, what's the stuff you hate about motherhood? Keep it funny and light and make us laugh.

Because if you hate it, or something makes you absolutely crazy, chances are good some other Manic Mommy hates it, too! The best entry will win copies of Jane Porter's Odd Mom Out and her newest release Mrs. Perfect, just in time for summer reading season. Three entries picked at random will win autographed copies of Meredith O'Brien's hilarious A Suburban Mom: Notes from the Asylum.